Sunday Reflection: By Hellen J. Reaves

My focus has always been to help others throughout life.  I’ve been lost, have been lied to along the way, and have been harmed in many ways yet when most are surprised I still stand I only ask how I can acheive the greatness I know is in my life path and destiny.  My faith doesn’t alter, and I pray to only have those who can give me wisdom, and have found that much.  However, this wisdom seems to not have solutions as of yet not only on a personal matter, but on a professional matter.  As I make great strides on primarily focusing on education, goals, and the service of helping others that need grows.  I love to help others, and when I’m not aligned with it, am unhappy.  Although I’m eternally greatful I ask for solutions.  The truth of my toxicity that I’ve been exposed to since such a young age tells me two things: 1) I’m very blessed, and thankful to be alive to the point to where I feel I can see those needs of others.  2) How to impliment said knowledge, and where to be in the world to do so as I very much do believe in most systems and respect them.  I want to help evolve them further though and want to help so much that I’ve been struggling with the career paths.  Therapy versus becoming an attorney and helping advocate for the rights of others rises and falls upon everyday.  I ask for the path to become a little more bold before me, to ensure I’m on my true life path as that is where the happiness lies.  Do finances matter the most to me?  No, I’ve lived in poverty much of my life, but in the same breath have also realized the more finances you have to support your own ideas the better it tends to go in the directional path of choice.  I can reach people maybe due to the fact I’ve had such toxins in my own life.  Though my support group and acquantence group grows, I try my best to offend no one and try to place that “filter” on my words I say as I’ve realized how much the power of words comes to play.  Not only due to my own illnesses, but over listening to others.  Truths have revealed themselves to me slowly and gently as that’s what I need at this point as I near my thirties I would suppose the term for femails especially is a “mid-life” sort of event where you look upon your life and tell yourself, “there must be more and clear purpose of why I’m here and why I speak with the amazing people I have as of late.  All I can truly say is, “thank you.” 

I’ve lost many friends as of late due to acts of violence, and also have been told that I’m to hide my truest identity and purpose as they only look into my interest and the interest of others (safety is key as well not only of myself, but of others). So many secrets to hold close to ones heart, but at the same time I want to impliment them in a positive way and hold respectful for their own acts of kindness.  Am I who I have been for long?  No!  I’ve had to pick myself up many times, brush myself off, and keep going.  Doesn’t that make me different from others?  Doesn’t that make me different with how I carry myself?  I don’t want my secrets exposed by the world either, but do want compassion as I feel that’s important.  To revolutionize psychology, and the way we handle things may help others on such a large scale but the need for like-minded to find me and show support back grows and grows.  I know I’m blessed to have come this far, and to gain momentum.  The fact remains that my past is not what should dictate who I am to be in the future, and will prove myself to be trustworthy on many levels.  I was told by my own school therapist that due to the past events, sometimes it’s better to work in the background of “psycobabble,” as we refer to it as.  Would I make a heck of a Public Figure, as well as a defense for those who cannot speak for themselves?  Yes!  I want this so very badly, but was cautioned in my dreams as well as cautioned in real life, and feel I still have to take babysteps. 

Would you believe I learn everything backwards?  I learned how to crawl backwards as an infant, learned more recently how to paint a room in my home backward as it turns out, and have learned how to mix things up in my mind “dyslexia,” but I continue to grow, and continue to grow.  It is my personal secret, and is mine and my readers alone.  Most recently, I was hacked, and have realized some who have been in my life haven’t looked out for my best interests.  I constantly wonder if that would be different if I were in a different place?  Out of State tuition is so expensive, and due to my own financial background and knowlege I was destined for great things has kept me going.  I know you all as writers, and readers can identify this to be true.  I know also that you have faced struggles, and am honestly contemplating working on my own memoire.  I have such a diversified story, and have not uncovered my personal truth as much as maybe an outsiders perspective?  I know that many are finding out I exist, and many have found ways to work with me, however, I only hope on peacefully resolving some of the problems and to not offend but to help aid those who are in trouble and to allow me the privelage to help others on a level where I’m needed by the world.  A wise quote (don’t remember by whom, once said), “sometimes, you are the solution to the changes you can only see due to your life’s purpose.”  I hope for the prayers, positive energies, etc for that to ring true in this time of sincere need.  Not to be a maytre, but truly an advocate for those who need it.  As long as I’m truly on my own life path, I know the funds will fall into place.  I have faith, and am growing wiser by the day… not to implement the things uncovered and to continue to learn and to grow is essential to me now.

Love you all, sorry not a poem today but a piece of wisdom as inner reflection transpires!

Blood Red Moon

Blood red moon, are you here to tell us our number comes soon?

Are you conveying a message that our world should soon be doomed?

A prism of light shatters around the complexities of difference,

We as a human race torture one another trying to rectify with brilliance.

What is the right from wrong, when we torcher our masses apposed to helping hand

Should man go back into the sand without a plight of spice instead bland?

Human race the splinter and the plank in my own eye please geantly guide me 

Fellow man as he thirsts and fellow man who hungers please let him eat and be free.

Oh majesty of the skies, lets celebrate the beauty in life left to glorify

His work as he paints it all to fit together as if it were all meant to be diversified

In love and in beauty and purity oh we shall see our humanity being lovely as we weep.

Another day of sunlight and of peace as we continue to do what we love so tonight we must sleep.

Goodnight buddies, goodnight happy tail Thor the doggy, love you all

Over the weekend we will either worship or have a bawl

A choice that everyone is entitled to make, hence the beauty in humanity

A chance to either create or to destory life, but is it our place to take a gift repeating insanity.

Tell a friend today that is lonely that you are there for them, the time is upon us

To build that trust at the 11th hour, will your stomach go sweet or will it go sour?

What is the world to empower such a cure of many illnesses when we could empower!

 

 

SLD-er, Faith, Prayer!

Some say we are descendants of angels, or extra-terrestrials… whatever the case may be, I have always known I was different.  My third year of life, there was a blood red moon.  Now, there is yet another blood red moon at the age of 29.  Coincidence that lights go off and on hasn’t surprised me, however, now they went on in 3’s as I passed by.  This number three continues to surround me today as I continue my journey.  I know I’m sent here to help others.  I try my best not to lie, but sometimes I have to in order to spare feelings.  I’m sure you will agree with me, it is good to hold one’s tongue at times especially when it is to spare someone’s feelings.

I’ve lost two friends in the last two weeks due to violence.  I myself as an earth creature and fellow man/woman have been scarred by these deaths as it has been through acts of violence.  I sing the Psalms, as many have their own spiritual ritual they do to make them feel that balance.  Right after my first blog of the day, I started to sing certain Psalms that would surely open truths in areas that I needed guidance- not only as a spiritual being, but as a being of light and love.  I asked for a sign, and did receive but not right away.  The third time I went into my backyard, I did see a dove.  Also there has been owls around me opening up doors and closing other doors.  The third was seeing lights go on (usually they go out) right after I was thinking about how dark it was.  This energy is slowly developing, but did see that others experience this strange phenomenon when I searched for it on Google.  What the website said was that we may be sent by angels, or by God.  I don’t know if this is true, but you’d think I was crazy if a triangle was passed to me by an alien so I shall save that story another time.  Although I’ve been searching, due to the triangle dotted pattern on my left arm, I didn’t realize it’s importance until my church received as a gift this lovely piece very ancient.  I feel God, and have been having dreams of those who have passed on that have touched my life as of late.  Unfortunately, I haven’t been remembering my dreams, but hope to as I know the spirit world is very much with me.

As I fast, I don’t eat until 3 o’clock or even 5 o’clock in the afternoon.  I wake up by 9:00, and just start my day.  Yes, coffee is consumed, I’m not that super to not have to drink water or caffeine, but still I don’t tire of being hungry, and what I eat seems to be enough for me to feel healthy.  Lately, at my school, I’ve felt as if I’ve been going against the grain, and asking for guidance, as I realize more and more that I need to help with others.  They listen to me more due to all of the events I’ve survived.  Drug addiction, death, rape, sin… they have all been very much a part of my life.  I only want to be pure now, and to help show and reveal the light.  Upon that realization, the lights go on to reveal a blood red moon which I have not seen for many years.  Everything today has been odd coincidence.  Who are we, and where did we descend from?  The full truth remains to be seen, but I have faith that these beings who taught me God is all that matters I vaguely remember you.  Come and find me, as I’m ready for a teacher.  I’m ready to step into the truth and to help.  With that said, I think I will close with a blessing prayer that has helped me very much as of late of which I wrote:

O LORD of heavenly hosts

please allow me the strength

and knowledge to say and do 

without sin.

Give me the courage to defend your word,

and to always do what is right and just.

Guide me throughout my life,

to be a good Christian-

and to know my right from wrong.

Please remove all curses of evil

from my family and myself 

I ask of you this.

Immediate or distant- alike.

Replace them with a blessing,

bless us all and protect us

on this day- now and forever.

Amen

 

Goodnight my friends, I hope you eve or morning (depending on which part of the world you roam) are blessed, and that you have a truth provided for you of which you have been searching for.  I know our world is getting more and more violent, but please stay strong and try to meditate before you speak- although it’s hard God notices everything (I have to remind myself of this almost daily) but it’s okay to admit we fail.  What’s not okay is not knowing the difference, so if you do not know- I pray for you to on this day of this hour forevermore.

 

Psalms and my Signs Received…

I read the Psalms, and thought it unusual that I have visited my spouse now three times (biblical number of three comes to play on this one as well as many other numbers).  Here is what the saints say about what we have experienced as of far:

Psalm 3 (as I sat on seat #3 twice now.  One in the beginning, and one in end… kind of strange, but I receive signs much differently as I love coding and my soul knows how for some strange reason). 

Psalm 3: V:1-8

O LORD, how many are my foes!

Many are rising against me;

many are saying to me,

‘There is no help for you in God.’

But you, O LORD are a shield around me,

my glory, and the one who lifts up my head.

I cry aloud to the LORD,

and he answers me from his 

holly hill.

 

I lie down and sleep;

I wake again, for the Lord sustains 

me.

I am not afraid of tens of thousands 

of people

who have set themselves 

against me all around.

Rise up, O LORD!

Deliver me, O my God!

For you strike all my enemies on the 

cheek;

you break the teeth of the wicked.

Deliverance belongs to the LORD;

may your blessing be on your people!

 

Then I sat at number 11; which on Psalm 11 reads:

In the LORD I take refuge; how can

you say to me,

‘Flee like a bird to the mountains;

for look, the wicked bend the bow,

they have fitted their arrow to the 

string,

to shoot in the dark at the upright

in heart.

If the foundations are destroyed,

what can the righteous do?

The LORD is in his holy temple;

the LORD’S throne is in heaven.

His eyes behold, his gaze examines

humankind.

The LORD tests the righteous and the

wicked,

and his soul hates the lover of

violence.

On the wicked he will rain coals of

fire and sulphur;

a scorching wind shall be the

portion of their cup.

For the LORD is righteous;

he loves righteous deeds;

the upright shall behold his 

face.

 

I thought this was such a wonderful sign especially if you have been seeing any of the responses I’ve had in loneliness.  I just don’t know why many are playing this game of craziness.  I might have said violent things, and I realize I should stop as this violence isn’t what I want at all out of life.  I’ve been traumatized for a time, as I have been exposed to violence MANY times, and due to said violence, I’m only wanting to be left in a place of where I feel safe.  I must run and write the dean of admissions, as I have had many struggles that just don’t seem to stop.  Prayer has been literally the only thing keeping me together, and for that I’m grateful. AMEN!!!

 

Hacked but Remain Faithful

I was wondering if anyone else been hacked by cyber threats? I’m immediately to report my phone calls and other suspicious activities to the FBI my friends, as these people not only seem of local, but of far away content.  I have run many scans, and have deemed many threats.  I screen my phone calls, I protect myself as much as I can!  How many of you have experienced such things?

Upon my call from Accelerated Web Solutions, this seems to have originated the issue for me at least… much of my most loyal readers do know that I experienced an offer some time back and then they will be forced to give my money back as they were less than law-abiding, and they exchanged words with my spouse who is now incarcerated.  As there are surely “good hackers,” and they aren’t all bad, I reach out as I know most of the high school have to learn these tools now a days.  I only wish I received a certification on such things as this is getting out of control!  I was told to contact the FBI once I uncover who they are, and will say for the record, that if you aren’t for me, then you are against me and I will find a way to fight you all.

I went to visit my spouse incarcerated and an older gentleman told me to “get out my tin cup…” after opening the door for me showing me good will.  I ask why I’m being treated like this from the world as surely this man is either the devil, or has a lot of support from the powers that be.  I know that Weld County is under “investigation” as they are surely not doing some of their actions by the book.  There are good people as well as bad, but I don’t know who to trust but God and Jesus my creator.  I just wish there was more kindness being displayed, as there are many who just don’t “get it.”

I would also like to divulge to you all, as I read your posts on security threats, and can honestly say that Comcast just might be taking over a lot of our services nationwide, but they have been very helpful.  Just like any business that is successful, there are bound to display a few hateful nasty people and there are bound also a few  “good hackers,” as well.  I just don’t know what to do about all of this malicious activity as there has to be a solution?

I fear that some are bad and maybe compromising the wrong folks. I ask only God to protect His people, and to guide us through such turbulent times. I will let you all know what does go on but to fear man isn’t a thing I can continue. Surely there are still good folks out there. I just have to dig a little deeper to find them and to fight for what is my belief as I always have.

Weeping Willow of Faith

As the weeping willow is bound to shed leaves as it shakes in autumn breeze,

it shakes as does my entire body with piles of battered down emotions of what is to come

they sure do find us all in fear but is it not better to die on ones feet than stand on their knees

to find a self reflection of thought, where I too feel I have a gaze in the mirror from time to time

but does that make me less or more of a woman

to simply not care of popular belief but to be moved by something greater than myself?

I toggle from left to right typing fast, yet thinking faster than the words gush forth 

of emotional response to another day felt of the lack of care

diseased and broken are they yet they consider me barely to stand

I fast for days, eating one meal per day!

Is it insanity? No!  It’s following the blueprint or trying to at the very least

but trying; isn’t that word a set up for failure

as the can’t do it’s simply comply with their own weakness.

Fools!  Or maybe I the fool, as it’s not my place to judge

but I am spoken to in my dreams, and all I ask is to be reunited with the one who gave me life.

It’s not a willingness to give up, but to make a stand

as they surely don’t feed me, then how can I feed myself

why should I as I’m a fashionable size

yet it’s another excuse to go the way I wish to go

and to eat the way I wish to eat

I would have done it sooner

but mother fed me ever so much when I was younger

“Eat your sandwich she’d say, before you go out to play.”

Grunting I would sit back down to eat

as grandmother did

and her mother before that

as we lick the vat together of frosting

how sweet are the sweets

as the bitters surely are bitter

but to eat sweet to have it sour

unheard of unless reading the great book.

Another thing that was kept

though I cried when being taking out of that sanctuary

It should have been a sign

where were you when I had my life of sin?

Where were you when my sufferings did happen.

Where were you went I drank until almost dying

and where were you while I did touch that poison into my skin pressing it in…

with my sins…

where were you as you were on the cross

of the hope for the lost

as am I this night I sing

a lost sheep as I sing

but I love to eat lamb

does that go for what or who I am?

Enjoyed the flesh

but just not too much 

pious lives we live

pious lives are what we live.

Together we stand,

divided we fall

but what is too small

to make plans for us

for us to be found

and us to go up

instead of down

five frequent

means of freedom and of food to feast one day. one day.

Kindling the Sorrow

Kindling the sorrow of yet another loss,

I simply deem it necessary to be my own boss

as I can’t imagine getting along with the folk who just don’t care

they end up piling up the masses with their cold blank and stares.

What if they had a gun to their head much like I did that day

Would they be grateful and fight for others dismay

Though the thoughts do tempt me I know my right from wrong

The lack of all the justice, while I find myself singing this song.

Where did we go wrong as a human race

Why are we such a mess and such a disgrace

To not only ourselves of gluttony of our fellow man

My face it does grow hallow as it sinks into the sands.

Time is but a relative thought and I can’t trace

Though the prison files up I ask if I could take them to state

And wager a war taking their hatred into something else

We should get ourselves out of this hell we find our selves.

Though the masses are at awe of why I still do stand

Their cases are of dust as they surely will turn back to sand

As I death or life choose with a splintered soul

Where we go the hallows is where we find our toil.

We are stuck in it my friends, we are stuck in this terrible place

Colorado is awful but one day I had faith

It must be the men in suits who have disgraced

This land shall swallow them all whole as I surely will make a stand.

Where are our funds, I demand as does my fellow man.

We are disgusted, and Hickenlooper should be distrusted 

As he does run DORA learn your politics child the books they must be dusted

Of our fingerprints so they can be caught for their true trial

Was it worth lying now to the men who stand before you now?

 

Was it work lying to them you had hurt and treated fowl?

 

 

Many Truths Unfold

Well, as I enjoy the truth, many of truths eventually do unfold and are bound to eventually be positive.  Another day of not feeling as such, but hopes for a better tomorrow.  My hopes were sunk by a choice that was made today of me not getting financial aid.  I can’t pay these folks at my community college enough to simply do their jobs.  To help others, when I have a strong urge to do just that: help.  With that said, I will go to the dean about it, and then after that I will make my commentary online of a review that will surely blow many people away.  A reason to not piss off a blogger who has been kicked over and over repeatedly like an abused dog. I’m a realist but when I have someone promise me they will help and then don’t materialize it due to someone else, I have to speak up as a man cannot feed from promises alone forever. 

My morning didn’t start off too grand either, as I realized the state embezzled a lot of funds.  They have taken 2.3 million dollars from the hard working tax payers, from Human Services, from the Department of Regulatory Agencies, and from dispensaries who try to help the ill without the treatment of pills.  I have had my struggles with addiction on pills, so in my opinion, I was doing my community a service which would surely change the world… until it went recreational in Colorado.  Now, it’s treatment is much alike from alcohol with the police peddling around in search for more funds to fight against the “high drivers.”  I’m honestly a nicer person stoned, but now cannot be nice.  So, when you see me whizzing by you and flip you off it’s due to being in pain with nothing to treat it!  Right after the “legalization of recreational” (but before they had formalized it in 2014, I had charges stick like glue by bigot judges from the Springs.  I had clippings in water!!!  What the hell is wrong with you guys???  I’ve never made you starve, yet here you are once again keeping me down.  You want to know why people go postal?  They can’t find any other way, and have been poisoned.  I know, as I’m one of them and am reminded people are at awe I’m still here at all.  I won’t be once I get my degree and will leave in peace, but if I continue to get harassed by phone calls and hackers, I will make it my life’s goal to stalk them.  What is so hard about helping me get through school as when my life was good, I helped as many as I could?  Where is my karma as I have been forced to live in poverty, been forced through bankruptcy yet these king baby’s sit around a round table “discussing what will come of the funds they took from us?” These guys are the only ones who would deem this to be a plant surely in water, but the corruption doesn’t stop there fellas.  I suppose they had their own plans for me, and for their city.  If we acted as a whole, this type of thing wouldn’t happen.  Humanity isn’t black and white logic, so why on earth should their treatment be?  Many act out in violence, and I just want to help.  God had other plans for me though, and I accept it.  What I don’t accept and didn’t this morning is that “lawmakers question what to do with this money.”  I have an idea, let me have SOME of it so I can fucking go to school asshole.  May any lawmakers who read this have their dick fall off by herpes!!!  Well, I’m struggling and haven’t found work for nine months, and my dreams once were to be a professional writer.  Although I still am working on my books, I hate asking for help.  I despise the fact that the funds should inevitably go to programs for people like myself to go back to school to be the change they want to see in the world.  I hate the fact that this system has embezzled partly my money too and they are trying to find out what “to do” with it.  Well, Colorado lawmakers: why don’t you give it back to those who are now hurting due to you taking their businesses away?  

I’ve faced nothing but slander from the devil himself, and am angry and bitter about it!  I have lost so much, have had so much abuse, and no it’s not the poor me approach, it’s fact that most tell me they are surprised that I still stand after everything I have been through, yet they don’t help either.  Maybe they want to help, but they also have to conform.  I absolutely refuse to do that, and they know it.  They know I would make great change in the world, yet they simply don’t fight enough.  If I myself was found in their shoes, I would!  I find myself barely holding on, in poverty, and no funds from the fed or from those who got my hopes up all last week just because I did my taxes in an interesting way.  I had to do them that way!  

Also guys, someone might be paying my way to school, as I have found them guilty of hacking my computer so bad I could barely pass the classes I’ve taken as of far!  These folks took my personal information and spread it all over the web or something just because I knew the law (fed and state), threatened them with a lawsuit and they were forced to give me my own funds back.  Sore losers!  Don’t ever go through an SEO chain as they will ask you for 6K in the end as the bottom line.  I did find a business, but it’s going rather slow, and I’m getting desperate and almost ready to snap much like others who have decided to “act out,” as of late.  I’m simply trying to find something to hold on to.  Faith is great, but a man cannot feed off of faith and promises alone no matter whether they possess a mustard seed size faith, or an elephant, promises are eventually to turn any stomach sour.  I have a place to live, and am alone due to the judicial system.  I try so hard, but get shut down.  I just wish I could write something nicer today, but unfortunately I’m very bitter, and need to see the good in humanity.  A meal or two won’t do it.  I need to be taught for a lifetime, and am in desperate need of funds that the lawmakers just “think about.”  What is there to think about when I am barely holding on.  You are rich, and will continue to grow, yet at my expense???  I wish illness and sorrow as I feel today upon those greedy bastards.

That’s it for tonight I can’t keep wallowing in my sadness as I’m starting to wonder if people like them enjoy it.  If not: prove me wrong asshole.  I’m fed up and am ready to snap.  I want my money back for emotional suffering while you stood and watched.  I want my money back, while you charged me multiple times in one year and are “wondering what to do with my fucking money.”

 

I WANT MY MONEY BACK BECAUSE YOU ARE LESS CONCERNED OVER THE WELFARE OF OTHERS.  

I WANT MY MONEY BACK, AND AM READ TO MARCH TO THE WHITE HOUSE BAREFOOT TO MAKE A STAND FOR WOMEN’S RIGHTS!

I WANT MY MONEY BACK BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T STAND A FELLOW WOMAN FROM THIS STATE GETTING AHEAD

I WANT MY MONEY BACK AS YOU SURELY WILL TAKE IT TO STRIP CLUBS, AND I WILL LEARN TO FISH FOR A LIFETIME.

I WANT MY MONEY BACK, AS YOU THE CORRUPT, AND I THE ONE WHO WANTS TO HELP OTHERS

I WANT MY MONEY BACK AS YOU ARE SURELY NOT CONCERNED

POLITICIANS, CORPORATIONS, MAY YOU HELP YOUR FELLOW MAN OR BURN IN HELL!

 

Ok now that it’s out I hope I made others as disgusted as myself.  I had to sit in front of a computer literally changing every password because some asshole doesn’t have a life.  Here’s to the asshole, I don’t normally write this way but fuck this shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No edit, no filter, I can’t help it today Lord please forgive me as man has once again forsaken me!!!

Art

Loving art as I yearn for a better day. I’m working on a protesting piece actually that will provide a thought on my truest stand on distaste for politics and of liars- as defined they may have the money now but they surely also have the corruption. They choose to look the other way from the poor. I wanted to go into public service at a time, but as I grew more intelligent I had chosen the career path in Human Services. Colorado is embezzling 2.3 million in departments such as these, yet we wonder why we have so many shootings and so much violence. Due again one would surely suspect due to lack of compassion. Do the shootings not unveil that there are many problems in our midst? Corruption just now talked about with recent comments of taking many months to decide where the funds they embezzle go. Directly affected myself as it was my funds and those around me of their hard earned cash the government chose to take. I expect a giant check as should the rest of everyone else. I plan on a revolution in psychology as I work on my protest piece for recent events transpiring showing a huge form of bigotry from the powers that be in Colorado. With so many lies unveiled I take it personally as it is my hard earned money as it is my neighbors. We should march barefoot to show them we are not to be broken. Surely that walk with bare feet would be free! Protesting a stance that it’s not okay to argue over where they go as it is transparency they seek. Those powers that be of guilt should surely feel sorrow as the poor. I work on my collage and will post pictures of this collaboration soon in the nearest future.

Happy Palm Sunday!